01 — THE “WAIT, WHO IS THIS?” STAGE

It starts innocently.

You follow each other.

Maybe you liked a few stories. Maybe he replied to one with something painfully unoriginal like:

“damn 😮💨”

And suddenly you're checking his profile.

Then his following.

Then his tagged photos.

Then the Spotify playlists.

You don't even like him.

Obviously.

You just happen to know what his mother does for a living.

Symptoms:

• Checking whether he's viewed your story
• Sending screenshots to your friends
• “What do you think he meant by this?”
• Pretending you accidentally liked an old post

Diagnosis: You're cooked.

02 — THE TALKING STAGE

Congratulations.

You now talk every single day.

Good morning texts.

Goodnight texts.

Random memes.

Inside jokes.

He knows your coffee order.

You know his schedule.

You've discussed childhood trauma but somehow haven't discussed what the fuck you are.

Your friends have started referring to him as:

“Your boyfriend.”

You immediately correct them:

“He's NOT my boyfriend.”

You then proceed to behave exactly like his girlfriend.

03 — THE “WE'RE NOT SEEING OTHER PEOPLE” STAGE

Things are getting serious.

You don't have a label.

But you've mutually decided that seeing other people would be “weird.”

Interesting.

You've basically entered an exclusive relationship without receiving any of the benefits of having a relationship.

He gets:

• girlfriend treatment
• emotional support
• 2 AM phone calls
• compliments
• access to your Spotify

You get:

• “let's just see where this goes ❤️”

Girl.

04 — THE DELUSION STAGE

This is where things get dangerous.

You start imagining a future.

You see a cute restaurant and think:

We should go there.

You hear a song and think:

He would love this.

You see a couple wearing matching outfits and think:

That could literally be us.

You've already named your imaginary dog.

He has not even called you his girlfriend.

Your friends are becoming increasingly concerned.

You remain optimistic.

“I just think he's scared of commitment.”

05 — THE “WHAT ARE WE?” STAGE

Ah.

The conversation.

The moment you've been avoiding for approximately six weeks.

You finally ask:

“So... what are we?”

He says:

“I don't really like labels.”

You say:

“No, no, that's fine.”

It is not fine.

He continues:

“I really like what we have.”

Translation:

He would like all the benefits of a relationship without having to admit you're in one.

06 — THE FIRST FIGHT

It finally happens.

You don't text him back.

He doesn't text you back.

You both post suspicious Instagram stories.

He posts a song.

You post a prettier photo.

He watches it immediately.

You watch his story immediately.

Neither of you speaks.

Your friends are now involved.

There is a group chat dedicated exclusively to this situation.

Someone says:

“Block him.”

You say:

“I'm not blocking him.”

You don't block him.

You continue suffering.

07 — THE “I'M DONE” STAGE

You've had enough.

You delete the chat.

Remove him from close friends.

Mute his stories.

Tell everyone:

“I genuinely don't care anymore.”

You mean it.

For approximately 48 hours.

Then...

“heyyyy stranger”

Your phone lights up.

You stare at it.

You know better.

You KNOW BETTER.

...

You reply.

And just like that:

YOU'RE BACK TO STAGE 2.

THE SÍVASA VERDICT

A situationship is basically a relationship with:

no title, no accountability and way too much screen time.

If you have to constantly ask:

“What are we?”

Maybe it's time to ask the more important question:

“Is this actually what I want?”

Because babe...

confusion isn't chemistry.